When is the right time to tell our son?

[dawnov]

7 years ago, My wife and I decided to start family. We asked a nice, shy, gay man (our friend) to donor his sperm. But it was not good time for him to donate because he was grieving from losing his dad unexpectedly. Since we were not sure how long he'd grieve, we decided to use sperm from a local bank.
My wife got pregnant really fast and then 3 months later, that guy decided to help. But now it was too late. When our son was born, we asked that guy to be his godfather. He was very honored and accepted. Two and half years later, that guy became the father of our second child. He has been a part of our family since the kids were born. We have family dinners every week, he babysits and takes the kids for the weekend sometimes. Both kids are very comfortable with him and know him as their Daddy.
Today our son is 6 and daughter is almost 4. We are wondering when is the right time to tell our son about his biological father? We have heard about donor/biological fathers a lot from the HBO show and the R-family forum. Alot of families seem open to letting the kids know if they are adopted or know who their biological parent is. We would like to hear what others have done in this situation.
Thanks

2 moms from Sac

[2DadsnAnaheim]

Hello 2 moms from sac,

We believe that you should talk with the shy gay man about this first. I don't know what your arrangement was, as to if his identity was going to be known or not to the child.

We believe that these things can take some time to figure themselves out, you need to make sure that your 2 kids can understand and handle this before you tell them. What you need to do is follow your heart and see how it plays out.

We hope this helps and we hope that the outcome is one that you are ready for and can handle.

2DadsnAnaheim

2 Boys: ages 12 & 10

[user431]

Hi 2 moms,

I agree that you should discuss this with the donor first, but as far as when to tell, ASAP.
My son was told his story even before he could understand it or speak it. Now he can tell you the detailed story of how he came to be mine and it is as natural for him as breathing.
Hope this helps. Ed

[3rFamily]

I agree! ASAP. Your son may not understand everything you tell him right now, but keep telling him. Keep it simple and matter-of-fact. When he is ready for the answers he will start asking the more difficult questions. By being open and honest you teach him he has nothing to be embarassed about.