The Langbehn-Pond Family

[jklangbehn]

I know so many of you have sent our family your good thoughts, prayers and love. The kids and I truly appreciate it all. LAMBDA has taken on our case pro bono and has filed a Federal Lawsuit in Florida against the hospital and the individuals that denied the children and I access to Lisa for 8 hrs, even though I had a power of attorney - saying that I was to make decision about her care if she was incapacitated.

LAMBDA has also started the "incase of emergency" petition drive to be given to the next President demanding reform allowing equality in hospitals for all LGBT and persons with HIV - this is obviously close to my heart. No one should have been treated the way we were and I want to do all I can that all my "brother" and "sisters" never have to go through this. Please sign the link is below Thanks

http://ga4.org/campaign/emergency

You also can follow our case and read the lawsuit on LAMBDA's website at http://www.lambdalegal.org/our-work/in-court/cases/langbehn-v-jackson-memorial.html

Again thank you for all of your support.
Peace

[bullwinkle77]

Janice,

When I went to the link you provided, it said that this campaign has expired.

[neicey]

Hi Janice

I tried too, but got the same message...will keep checking in though.....not sure if I can sign it as I live in Canada! Your life experience(s) just makes me stop and give thanks for where I live....and to quit whining over the small stuff!

Light, Love and Peace

Denise and Peg
Canada

[jklangbehn]

Well you know what that's good news then.. we reached the number LAMBDA set.. THANK YOU EVERYONE.. either that or all the bloggers crashed the site. I'll ask my attorney on Monday. Thanks again
peace
j


Hi Janice

I tried too, but got the same message...will keep checking in though.....not sure if I can sign it as I live in Canada! Your life experience(s) just makes me stop and give thanks for where I live....and to quit whining over the small stuff!

Light, Love and Peace

Denise and Peg
Canada

[jklangbehn]

The campaign is still underway.. there are postcards that can be filled out. I spoke last weekend at the GLMA (Gay/Lesbian Medical Association) meeting in seattle and our family doc's medical Group - Group Health is writing a letter in support of our family.

Today I spoke at my daughter's high schools Gay/Straight Alliance - 30 bright beautiful faces - silent as they listened to what happened to us as a family. Danielle my oldest daughter who is at that school is so stoic about it.. but came home and said "hey mom you did a good job, I had friends go listen to you - they said you did a good job" . I don't need any other endorsement than from my soon to be 15yo.

We hope to be on the cruise next summer. As for the lawsuit, Jackson Memorial filed their motion to dismiss - which is typical - LAMBDA and Co-Counsel Baker and Mckenzie out of Miami are responding. As anything new happens I will let you know.

What was hard to face was that as I re-read Lisa's med records - and now they it is in the lawsuit - Jackson Memorial did many invasive procedures after receiving our Power of Attny - without consulting me.

I try to hold out hope that what happened to Lisa, our children and me NEVER happens to another family - regardless of how you define yourselves.
jan

[candue]

Hi Janice, My heart breaks anew every time I am reminded of all that you went through and your families loss. I do hope we meet this next cruise as it would be my honor to meet your family of survivors. You are brave and strong and I am sure that Lisa's spirit soars with pride of all of you. TJ

[jklangbehn]

TJ, no the honor is ours. i'm humbled that people hold lisa and our children in their hearts. So disheartened by STATE elections that Arizona has banned gay adoptions as well as the defeat of prop 8.

our family hopes to come on the Alaska cruise since it leaves out of our back yard - we are in WA state

peace

[nyrac]

I, too, think of you and your beautiful family frequently. You are in our prayers here in Miami, FL. Wishing you all the best

[shellswells]

Janice...I live in FL...a lot of us were trying to get No on Prop. 2 here...we just have so many older, ignorant people that vote. We will keep trying till we get it done.

Take care...and hugs to your family. Marie

[jklangbehn]

thanks marie, sorry about Amendment 2. I was the St. Petersburg pride parade marshall this summer to put a "face" on No on 2. to highlight how it impacts families.. it was following the filing of our lawsuit against JMH. But like you said - demographics are not in our favor in FL - though it flipped to blue this time around - it still keeps bigotry alive

[Crazy aka Cheryl]

thanks marie, sorry about Amendment 2. I was the St. Petersburg pride parade marshall this summer to put a "face" on No on 2. to highlight how it impacts families.. it was following the filing of our lawsuit against JMH. But like you said - demographics are not in our favor in FL - though it flipped to blue this time around - it still keeps bigotry alive
On a brighter note.One Milllon people showed up accross the nation to protest aginst Prop 8 and all the other ANTI GAY legislation that was passed.There will be another Nation wide protest scheduled early next year.The movement is growng stronger and we will overcome. It is a matter of time.We must dig in our Heels or Boots and keep fighting until we achieve full Equality.
CCC

[nyrac]

Just to let you know,,,The Miami Herald printed a positive editorial in support of your family on the front page of the opinion section of this Sunday's paper. The editorial was written by Leonard Pitts, a regular in the Miami Herald. I frequently speak of your family's terrible ordeal here in Miami to my family. We wish you health and happiness.

[Crazy aka Cheryl]

Just to let you know,,,The Miami Herald printed a positive editorial in support of your family on the front page of the opinion section of this Sunday's paper. The editorial was written by Leonard Pitts, a regular in the Miami Herald. I frequently speak of your family's terrible ordeal here in Miami to my family. We wish you health and happiness.

Is it available online? If it is could you post the link?
Thanks,
CCC

[nyrac]

Here is the link. The paper also included a photo which does not appear online.

http://www.miamiherald.com/living/columnists/leonard-pitts/story/903192.html

[jklangbehn]

with any luck here is the article it was syndicated so ran all over the country. I think Mr. Pitts was wonderful to talk to. on 2/19 it will be two years
~~~~~~~~~~ (this version is from the Seattle Times)
If her name had been Joe, her wife wouldn't have died alone
As a Lacey, Wash., woman found out when she was barred from seeing her dying partner in a Miami hospital, this is an increasingly anti-gay nation, to judge from all the mean-spirited amendments and legislation that have made scapegoats and boogie men of them in recent years.

By Leonard Pitts Jr
Syndicated columnist
Your wife is dying.

One moment everything was fine. You were in your stateroom on the cruise ship — it was to be an anniversary cruise — unpacking your things. The kids were in the adjoining stateroom playing with your wife. Suddenly, they banged on the door crying that mom was hurt.

So now you're in the hospital — Ryder Trauma Center at Jackson Memorial Hospital in Miami — waiting for word, and it's not coming. They tell you, Joe (we'll call you Joe) you can't be with her. You plead with them, to no avail. No, Joe, sorry, Joe, we can't tell you anything.

One hour turns to two, two to four, four to six. Your wife is dying and no one she loves is there.

Finally, in the eighth hour, you reach her bedside. You are just in time to stand beside the priest as he administers last rites.

Your wife is dead. Her name was Lisa Marie Pond. She was 39.

It happened, Feb. 18-19, 2007, except that Pond's spouse was not a man named Joe, but a woman named Janice. And there's one other detail. Janice Langbehn who, as it happens, is an emergency room social worker from Lacey, Wash., says the first hospital employee she spoke with was an emergency room social worker. She thought, given their professional connection, they might speak a common language.

Instead, she says, he told her, "I need you to know you are in an anti-gay city and state and you won't get to know about Lisa's condition or see her" — then turned and walked away.

For the record, this is an increasingly anti-gay "nation," to judge from all the mean-spirited amendments and legislation that have made scapegoats and boogie men of them in recent years, including Florida's Marriage Protection Amendment, which passed last November.

Langbehn is suing the hospital for negligence and intentional infliction of emotional distress. In a hearing last week, Jackson Hospital asked a judge to dismiss the suit. A ruling is pending. Attorney Andrew Boese, who represents Jackson, says the hospital "absolutely" disputes Langbehn's characterization of her encounter with the social worker. And as for visiting Pond's bedside: "Our first duty should be to patients, particularly in an emergency room. The decision to allow someone into a trauma bay should be a medical decision. It shouldn't be a question for a jury ... "

All that notwithstanding, it strains credulity to believe Joe would have spent eight hours barred from his wife's bedside as Janice was from hers.

Politicians and alleged religious leaders have routinely invited us to hate gay people and call it morality. They have taught us to frame gay lives in cloudy abstracts of tradition and values. But this isn't abstract, is it?

No, it is Janice and Lisa, meeting in college and falling in love, 20 years ago. It is a "holy union" service in a local church, friends serving as maid of honor and "best man." "We were dirt poor," says Langbehn, "but we pulled it off."

It is taking in foster kids no one else wants, drug babies, HIV babies, babies with fetal alcohol syndrome. It is adopting four of them and Lisa deciding she wants to be a stay-at-home mom and Janice saying OK, and wondering how the six of them will manage on a social worker's salary. It is Janice, diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, and Lisa, bashful Lisa, becoming the family extrovert, cheering the kids at "toddler tumbling time" shepherding them to swimming lessons and story time at the library.

It is Lisa, who loved pecan sandies, the movie "Beaches," and Mitch Albom's book "Tuesdays With Morrie," stricken by an aneurysm. It is Lisa, for eight hours, dying alone.

It would be good if someone remembered her next time we are invited to hate an abstract. And remember Janice, who could not ache more deeply even if her name was Joe.

Miami Herald columnist Leonard Pitts Jr.'s column appears Sunday on editorial pages of The Times. His e-mail address is: lpitts@miamiherald.com:o

[Crazy aka Cheryl]

with any luck here is the article it was syndicated so ran all over the country. I think Mr. Pitts was wonderful to talk to. on 2/19 it will be two years
~~~~~~~~~~ (this version is from the Seattle Times)
If her name had been Joe, her wife wouldn't have died alone
As a Lacey, Wash., woman found out when she was barred from seeing her dying partner in a Miami hospital, this is an increasingly anti-gay nation, to judge from all the mean-spirited amendments and legislation that have made scapegoats and boogie men of them in recent years.

By Leonard Pitts Jr
Syndicated columnist
Your wife is dying.

One moment everything was fine. You were in your stateroom on the cruise ship — it was to be an anniversary cruise — unpacking your things. The kids were in the adjoining stateroom playing with your wife. Suddenly, they banged on the door crying that mom was hurt.

So now you're in the hospital — Ryder Trauma Center at Jackson Memorial Hospital in Miami — waiting for word, and it's not coming. They tell you, Joe (we'll call you Joe) you can't be with her. You plead with them, to no avail. No, Joe, sorry, Joe, we can't tell you anything.

One hour turns to two, two to four, four to six. Your wife is dying and no one she loves is there.

Finally, in the eighth hour, you reach her bedside. You are just in time to stand beside the priest as he administers last rites.

Your wife is dead. Her name was Lisa Marie Pond. She was 39.

It happened, Feb. 18-19, 2007, except that Pond's spouse was not a man named Joe, but a woman named Janice. And there's one other detail. Janice Langbehn who, as it happens, is an emergency room social worker from Lacey, Wash., says the first hospital employee she spoke with was an emergency room social worker. She thought, given their professional connection, they might speak a common language.

Instead, she says, he told her, "I need you to know you are in an anti-gay city and state and you won't get to know about Lisa's condition or see her" — then turned and walked away.

For the record, this is an increasingly anti-gay "nation," to judge from all the mean-spirited amendments and legislation that have made scapegoats and boogie men of them in recent years, including Florida's Marriage Protection Amendment, which passed last November.

Langbehn is suing the hospital for negligence and intentional infliction of emotional distress. In a hearing last week, Jackson Hospital asked a judge to dismiss the suit. A ruling is pending. Attorney Andrew Boese, who represents Jackson, says the hospital "absolutely" disputes Langbehn's characterization of her encounter with the social worker. And as for visiting Pond's bedside: "Our first duty should be to patients, particularly in an emergency room. The decision to allow someone into a trauma bay should be a medical decision. It shouldn't be a question for a jury ... "

All that notwithstanding, it strains credulity to believe Joe would have spent eight hours barred from his wife's bedside as Janice was from hers.

Politicians and alleged religious leaders have routinely invited us to hate gay people and call it morality. They have taught us to frame gay lives in cloudy abstracts of tradition and values. But this isn't abstract, is it?

No, it is Janice and Lisa, meeting in college and falling in love, 20 years ago. It is a "holy union" service in a local church, friends serving as maid of honor and "best man." "We were dirt poor," says Langbehn, "but we pulled it off."

It is taking in foster kids no one else wants, drug babies, HIV babies, babies with fetal alcohol syndrome. It is adopting four of them and Lisa deciding she wants to be a stay-at-home mom and Janice saying OK, and wondering how the six of them will manage on a social worker's salary. It is Janice, diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, and Lisa, bashful Lisa, becoming the family extrovert, cheering the kids at "toddler tumbling time" shepherding them to swimming lessons and story time at the library.

It is Lisa, who loved pecan sandies, the movie "Beaches," and Mitch Albom's book "Tuesdays With Morrie," stricken by an aneurysm. It is Lisa, for eight hours, dying alone.

It would be good if someone remembered her next time we are invited to hate an abstract. And remember Janice, who could not ache more deeply even if her name was Joe.

Miami Herald columnist Leonard Pitts Jr.'s column appears Sunday on editorial pages of The Times. His e-mail address is: lpitts@miamiherald.com:o
Very well said.The fact that there is someome putting a realstic honest decription of the horrible way you and your children were treated is ....well about time that someone told it through your eyes .Good for you Janice and THANKS I admire you so much for putting yourself out there........Respect for our commuity our children our familes.....We wil settle for nothing less than total equality......................
We are at the end of the day............. all the same..................Justice for Lisa......................
CCC

[jklangbehn]

Hello fellow RFamily Cruisers. Last weekend I had the wonderful opportunity with our Kids to travel to Ft. Lauderdale to be a featured speaker at a Lambda Legal event. The night before my speech there was a private gathering of LL board members and supporters. At that meeting, LL was able to unite our family with the recipient of Lisa's Heart through Organ Donation. This was beyond amazing. To see the coverage in the Miami Herald - google us or go to our blog at www.theLPkids.com. Jerry, the recipient looks amazing, he was in heart failure 6 years before receiving Lisa's heart.

We hope to be aboard for Alaska - since we live so close to Seattle. Thank you all for the ongoing support.
:)

Also Leonard Pitts, who wrote the syndicated column about what happened at JMH in Miami - received the GLAAD media award on 3/28/09 in NYC for his syndicated column. It was his second GLAAD award.

[jklangbehn]

Thank you to all that follow our family and our desire for equal treatment in hospital settings this past week - we were hightlighted in the NY times print and online and ABC online. our blog has all references.. here is the NY times article.



WELL
Kept From a Dying Partner’s Bedside

Karie Hamilton for The New York Times
Aggrieved Janice Langbehn, with her children, Danielle, 15; David, 13; and Katie, 12 (back to camera), has sued the hospital that treated her partner.

By TARA PARKER-POPE
Published: May 18, 2009
When a loved one is in the hospital, you naturally want to be at the bedside. But what if the staff won’t allow it?

Well

Tara Parker-Pope blogs about health. Join the discussion.
Go to Well »
That’s what Janice Langbehn, a social worker in Lacey, Wash., says she experienced when her partner of 18 years, Lisa Pond, collapsed with an aneurysm during a Florida vacation and was taken to a Miami trauma center. She died there, at age 39, as Ms. Langbehn tried in vain to persuade hospital officials to let her visit, along with the couple’s adopted children.

“I have this deep sense of failure for not being at Lisa’s bedside when she died,” Ms. Langbehn said. “How I get over that I don’t know, or if I ever do.”

The case, now the subject of a federal lawsuit in Florida, is being watched by gay rights groups, which say same-sex partners often report being excluded from a patient’s room because they aren’t “real” family members.

And lawyers say the case could affect the way hospitals treat all patients with nonmarital relationships, including older people who choose not to marry, unmarried heterosexual couples and single people who rely on the support of close friends rather than relatives.

One point of contention in the lawsuit is whether a hospital has a legal duty to its patients to always give visiting rights to their designated family members and surrogates.

Robert Alonso, a spokesman for the public trust that runs the Miami hospital, Jackson Memorial, said it typically did not comment on pending litigation, but added that the hospital grants visitation if it doesn’t interfere with other emergency care. “The primary legal point is that the amount of visitation allowed in a trauma emergency room should be decided by the surgeons and nurses treating the patients,” he said.

A similar lawsuit is under way in Washington State, where Sharon Reed says she was denied access to her partner of 17 years, Jo Ann Ritchie, who was dying of liver failure. Although the hospital had liberal visitation policies, a night nurse from an employment agency insisted that Ms. Reed leave her partner’s room, the lawsuit says.

“One of the things her partner said to her was, ‘I’m afraid of dying. Don’t leave me alone,’ ” said Judith A. Lonnquist, a lawyer for Ms. Reed. “That’s why the suffering was so enormous — she felt as if her partner was thinking she had betrayed her trust.”

In both cases, the couples had prepared for a medical emergency, creating living wills, advanced directives and power-of-attorney documents.

As recounted by Ms. Langbehn, the details of the Miami episode are harrowing. It began in February 2007, when the family — including three children, then ages 9, 11 and 13 — traveled there for a cruise. After boarding the ship, Ms. Pond collapsed while taking pictures of the children playing basketball.

The children managed to help her back to the family’s room. Fortunately, the ship was still docked, and an ambulance took Ms. Pond to the Ryder Trauma Center at Jackson Memorial. Ms. Langbehn and the children followed in a taxi, arriving around 3:30 p.m.

Ms. Langbehn says that a hospital social worker informed her that she was in an “antigay city and state” and that she would need a health care proxy to get information. (The worker denies having made the statement, Mr. Alonso said.) As the social worker turned to leave, Ms. Langbehn stopped him. “I said: ‘Wait a minute. I have those health care proxies,’ ” she said. She called a friend to fax the papers.

The medical chart shows that the documents arrived around 4:15 p.m., but nobody immediately spoke to Ms. Langbehn about Ms. Pond’s condition. During her eight-hour stay in the trauma unit waiting room, Ms. Langbehn says, she had two brief encounters with doctors. Around 5:20 a doctor sought her consent for a “brain monitor” but offered no update about the patient’s condition. Around 6:20, two doctors told her there was no hope for a recovery.

Despite repeated requests to see her partner, Ms. Langbehn says she was given just one five-minute visit, when a priest administered last rites. She says she continued to plead with a hospital worker that the children be allowed to see their mother, even showing the children’s birth certificates.

“I said to the receptionist, ‘Look, they’re her kids,’ ” Ms. Langbehn said. (Mr. Alonso, the hospital spokesman, says that except in special circumstances, children under 14 are not allowed to visit in the trauma unit.)

Ms. Langbehn says she was repeatedly told to keep waiting. Then, at 11:30 p.m., Ms. Pond’s sister arrived at the unit. According to the lawsuit, the hospital workers immediately told her that Ms. Pond had been moved an hour earlier to the intensive care unit and provided her room number.

At midnight, Ms. Langbehn says, her exhausted children were finally able to visit their unconscious mother. Ms. Pond was declared brain-dead at 10:45 that morning, and her heart, kidneys and liver were donated to four patients.

In her lawsuit, Ms. Langbehn is being represented by Lambda Legal, a gay rights group. “We want to send a message to hospitals,” said Beth Littrell, a lawyer for the group. “If they don’t treat families as such, if they don’t let patients define their own circle of intimacy and give them the dignity and care to be with their loved ones in this sort of crisis, then they will be held accountable.”

Join the discussion at nytimes.com/well.

This article has been revised to reflect the following correction:

Correction: May 20, 2009
The Well column on Tuesday, about the hospital visitation rights of unmarried couples, misspelled the surname of a woman who lay dying in a Miami hospital while her partner was fighting to be able to see her. She was Lisa Pond, not Ponds.