Coming out to kids [Archive]

MainEac

03-07-2006, 06:45 PM

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Does anyone have any words of advice about how best to approach a mom coming out to her 11 year old son? This will be coming as a total shock to everyone I know. Part of me thinks that I shouldn't go about it by myself but within a support group.

vespagirl

03-07-2006, 10:36 PM

You don't mean have the kid attend the support group with you so you can tell him there do you? That would be mortifying for an 11 year old.
My best advice is just do it, at home, and be aware that your fear about it is greater than the true difficulty of the situation. (Does that make sense?)

MainEac

03-08-2006, 05:43 PM

Thank you so much, vespagirl!
I understood what you meant. Sometimes I'm not sure if I know what I mean!
My fear is pretty high at this moment. But reaching out is the best thing I have ever done!
Thanks again!

vespagirl

03-08-2006, 08:37 PM

You are welcome. I remember how scarey it was for me when I was in your shoes, but I promise you the relief you feel once you do it is incredible. No big 'secret' to burden yourself with anymore. The fear of rejection that once loomed so large is gone, poof, up in smoke. It is rather amazing how once something is out in the open it loses all its power/fear factor. Good luck to you.

MainEac

03-08-2006, 09:22 PM

Phew!!! Thank you, once again! To be free of fear and secrets at 50 years old(almost:) ) would be unbelievable! I reached out and added one more person to my inner circle. That makes a whole big whopping two! And since I found this site... I AM NOT alone.

cebii

03-10-2006, 11:02 AM

I've found that treating coming out as matter-of-factly as possible works best for me. Don't act like it is a huge deal that they have to react to and they probably won't. :cool:

MainEac

03-10-2006, 11:51 AM

Thank you, so much cebii! I certainly don't want any huge reaction---just acceptance .

RainbowAngel

03-10-2006, 03:57 PM

I've found that treating coming out as matter-of-factly as possible works best for me. Don't act like it is a huge deal that they have to react to and they probably won't. :cool:

Yes, that is what worked for me. I did not make a special time etc, just brought it up in conversation. And never had a problem with any of them, but allowed them their feelings. But I just treated it as any other thing I would discuss with them, like I did my divorce from their father, and all other issues.

WadyPhoto

03-10-2006, 04:36 PM

Here's a little story about coming out to my cousin...
We were at a family birthday party and my partner was on the couch talking to one of my older cousins. My 12-year-old cousin was sitting next to my partner and holding her infant little brother.
My partner was showing off her ring and the 12-year-old says..."Oh nice ring! Who are you getting married to?"
My partner looked at her weird and said..."To Carrie!"
My little cousin said..."Are you serious?"
There was a little pause. Then said to my partner, "Do you want to hold the baby?" and ran off to her mom.

It was so funny because it's not like we have kept it a secret! She knows! Her mom said she knows! She ran to her mom and asked again just to make sure she got it right...that Tammy and I were engaged. It was so funny.

MainEac

03-10-2006, 05:35 PM

Tonight will be a coming out party of sorts....not to my son but one of my oldest friends will be brought into my inner circle. Yes, I said, One of my oldest friends. To say that I have lived a life of secrets is an understatement. My nerves are shot! Wish me luck!

RainbowAngel

03-10-2006, 11:31 PM

MainEac

03-11-2006, 10:44 AM

Thank you to all my cyber friends who have been sending positive vibes my way. My meeting last night went better than I could have ever hoped or even imagined. My feelings of trust were validated by this person and we even discovered that we had similiar traumas as children that we had never discussed with each other. "When one reaches out, two are healed!"

freetodrm

03-11-2006, 02:34 PM

I think we all are anxious to hear how everything went with your 'coming out'. When it is all said and done you will smile at the thoughts you had during this time. Yes, nerve racking but all in all when it's done, you are so much better for it! No weights on your shoulders. Just be you. Don't change. Don't sacrifice who you really are. People are going to accept or not. It is simply their choice, not yours. And, they would accept you or not even if you were straight! So, we are all just in this same boat living together in a rather small world.
Let us know :o

MainEac

03-11-2006, 05:49 PM

Dear Rainbowangel and Freetodrm,

Last night was major! Coming out to someone I've known for almost 40 years. Of course...she knew! How is it that we really think we are living such a secret? We cried together to think that we could have been sharing....she was honored to be told and I am blessed to loved and accepted!
Thank you all for your support.
The son discussion is on hold for a while. I need to live in my own skin with this for a while longer.
smiles and hugs to all of you!

SFfamily

04-20-2006, 09:03 PM

Immediately or with some time, your son may want to talk to other kids with LGBT parents. Look at the "community" section of this website. Colage's mission is to engage, connect, and empower people to make the world a better place for children of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and/or transgender parents and families. Their website is http://www.colage.org/.