Lost and need to be found

[butterflykisses]

Hello everyone

I am new here and if my Pastor found out I was at this site he would tell me I need help. Since he will not help me and just send me to a pro.. I decide to come to you all.

I have feelings that I can not explain. I had struggle with for years now.

Maybe these feelings have to do with being taken from my mom when I was 11 years of age or because of the fact that I don't like man. Man only think about what they want and act on their feelings. They don't think about others.

I don't know if it's right to like women better then men or I just want to be loved and don't care what sex they are. Most men don't use there brains. The men I do like are either gay or to old.

I have a lady friend that I would like more then just friends but we both have been taught that it is wrong.
I feel like I am going to live my life alone because I hide myself from the world. I know how I am but am to scared to show the world.

I wish I could get a job on the r cruise so that way I can go and my family will think it's just a job.

[2moms2kids]

It sounds like you are struggling. It does sound like you probably do need to seek some professional help. The coming out process is often times very lengthy. So much self-exploration needs to take place. Truth about oneself is often times very hard to accept. However, until you love and accept your authentic self life can seem daunting. I would advise you to seek help outside of this forum as I'm not sure this is the appropriate place. Best of luck to you in your journey.

[butterflykisses]

All I really want is to type to others and find out how they deal with life. I learn more typing to others then sitting
and talking with professional.

Type to me and see what we can learn from each other.
Please!

[Love2Travel]

Dear Butterfly,

If you need to talk to someone, feel free to email me.
blankcanvas26@hotmail.com

[butterflykisses]

Thanks Love2Travel

I will do that some time. If you do get an e-mail from me.
It will be pure1angell that way you don't get confused with all the ads that come in. I get a lot and have to be careful when deleting. I don't want to delet any that I want to read.

I seen there has been a few that has checked out my thread. There is nothing wrong with me, just having a hard time coming out.

[dogpawstka]

I was "outed" unexpectantly when I was 17. My dad walked in on my first kiss with a woman. I was taken to the Shrink's office at 8:00 a.m. the next morning. Then I was forced by my parents to eat off paper plates and not allowed to eat at the table because I was deemed "disgusting" and "unacceptable." 2 months later I graduated from high school and joined the Army to get out of my house. I said "hello" to Desert Storm.

Through it all, I'm glad that I was true to myself. The older one gets, the more important that becomes. Keep that in mind and hold it close to your heart:)

[butterflykisses]

Thank you dogpawstka for your story that is what I would like to here from others. It helps me to see that I am not alone.

I don't know very many people and the people I do know are church goers.

When I went into the 5th grade it was tough because I had just been taken away from my mom. But I did find happiness with a girlfriend. When the other kids found out about us they spent their time picking on us. I couldn't take the picking anymore and broke up with her. She was not happy. She told me that I shouldn't listen to them. But I use to be the one picking and it was really hard for me that I was the being picked on. After I broke up with her I struggle through my school years.

I try to date a few guys but it was not for me.

[jewlz]

foreign born language + fluidity in english = not who you say you are.
are you a man?

[JLDseattle]

I agree with the last person....you are not who you are saying you are...either that or you really need a lot more help that people can give with a few e mails.

[butterflykisses]

JLDseattle and jewlz

I am not a man and that hurt alot with both your post.

All I really wanted to do is find someone that is willing to post back and forth with me.

I do have my own language when I type and have had people point it out to me.That just my style! Sometimes my mind runs faster then my typing and word get miss spelled or miss placed. Sorry I am not perfect.

I am also sorry that I have even put this post up now. I am different then most people but so is everyone else that comes to R family message board.

[SFfamily]

For me, balancing my spiritual life with my emotional/sexual life was essential. When those areas were out of synch, I was depressed. With them in balance, I have found happiness.

I remember listening to Mel White at church as a high school student (1970s). At the time, I was very impressed with his insights and teachings. When I learned that he came out (1993), I was very interested in hearing his story.

He has founded an organization to help education the Christian community. His website http://www.soulforce.org might be a helpful place to start. A helpful article on the website is, "What the Bible Says - And Doesn't Say - About Homosexuality".

Wishing you well in your journey. Remember God's grace is a gift to you. Likewise, you can give yourself some grace.

[teefeb19]

I don't know how you two can judge someone by their email. I think this person needs people to talk to via email and that shouldn't be a problem. That's what forums are for.

Butterflykisses, if you need to continue to use this forum please do so. There are plenty of us out there who will be glad to listen to you and offer their support.

[butterflykisses]

Thank you SFfamily I will check out the site.
and
Thank you teefeb19 I will continue to post on this tread.

I tried to post two other times and it would click me off and I would lose what I had typed.

I was upset about to other post but got over that quickly.
Both post were not that bad, I just had to get some fustration out. Since I am having a hard time on the post today I will not type much.

I have a flow of emotion for a co-worker and I believe she is toying with me. I hope thing will change because it is eating me alive. Next time I will post more.

Good day to all.

[butterflykisses]

The last two weeks I have been spending more time with this co-worker. I am think it might be a bad idea spending more time with her. I love her but she is not letting me know how she feels. The reason why I think she is toying with me is because she knows how I feel.

I don't know what to do. Any ideas? Please help me.

[teefeb19]

I think you should come right out and ask her how she feels. Don't let her lead you on. You'll end up getting really hurt. Honesty is the best way to go and if she doesn't feel the same way you do then back off from spending so much time with her. I hope this has helped. Please keep me/us posted.
Tina

[butterflykisses]

Hello everyone,

I am going to have to do that but I am scared to because I don't want to lose her.

But

Sometime I have to walk away from her because I feel like I could just hug and kiss her to death.

Why me? I don't want these feelings. I have to love a man not a woman. It is just to much sometimes.

[teefeb19]

You'll never be happy if you don't listen to your feelings. You can't make yourself care for someone male or female if you don't have feelings for them. Have you had feelings for any other women or is this the first time?

[butterflykisses]

Yes, I have always had feelings for other women but have
hidden them because of the world and what I have been
taught growing up.

In 5th grade I had feeling for a girl but broke it up because
of the other kids picking on us about it.

In high school I had battle the whole time but know it was
wrong.

But

I have also like a few men in my life also. The men that
I had liked were older or gay.

I am bond to never have a man or a partner because of
what the world and family think.

[butterflykisses]

Hello everyone

Sandy and I have been talking and fussing a lot lately. All
I have gotten out of her is... that she will not come out of the closet about how she feels but for the world she
needs to find a man for their hearts to beat together as one.

I am getting fustrated. I love her so much and have a hard
time when I am away from her. I miss her to much but it
needs to end. I can't live this way.

This past week I have told her how I felt but she had not
said anything to me yet. I am still scared to find out what is going to happen.

[butterflykisses]

O.K. I gave in and went to our family social worker to talk to her. I am really starting to hurt for this lady I like.

Sandy let me know yesterday that she knows how I feel.

We have this other worker setting up a double date for Sandy and I. I talk to Sandy and let her know I was not happy about it. She told me she know and that it is only going to be one date and that I will not lose her.

I hope things come unfold quick.

[butterflykisses]

Hello everyone

Life is not going to well right now. Things happening one right after the other, the last two weeks.

How is everyone else doing? It is warming up where I am at, so that should bring some happiness.

[butterflykisses]

Well, my head has been screwed back on straight again and now I can think clear once more.

I have learn that I can keep my relationship with the Lord and love woman. BUT.. If my partner gets in the way of my Father in Heavan then there will be a problem.

I don't have to think about that right now. Sandy and I have not talked for two weeks. She is afraid that they will
find out at work that we are a couple. So, we desided to back off from one another. We do talk to each other at work but only about work stuff that way the other workers will not know that there was something going on.

One night I asked her in a soft voice on the way out of work, how she is doing with us being apart. She told me that she is not sure. It had broke my heart but have learn to deal with it.

Besides I am dealing with a problem that has been going on for three months or so. My doctor is having me do some tests right now. I hope the test come back soon because I can't stand the pain any more.